That's a good question. I'm not sure what is the answer. I'll do some research and get back to you if I find an answer. You should email the people at Medifast as they probably could answer your Medifast question..
I don't think you are wrong to feel the way you do, but take a moment and think. Yes he kind of invaded your privacy. I say kind of because this isn't exactly private, is it? You tell the world full of strangers how much you weigh. So now DH knows. Is it going to change the way he feels about you? Do you not think that he might have looked at it and thought WOW, she's doing so great I am so proud of her? You have lost 56 lbs! You should be celebrating that loss with hour husband, not a bunch of strangers. I could better understand your outrage if he had invaded your email or private journal.
It's out there for the world to share..
Hopefully there has been no permanent damage done. And just remember, what you put on this site is not really YOURS, it's Medifast's! Make up with your hubs and lay down some ground rules if you feel you must. Or simply, log out next time you leave your computer...
I can't imagine not telling my fiance my weight, or not sharing with him my struggles to lose it. But I guess I'm in the minority who believe that true partners share *everything* and that secrets only lead to mistrust and bigger problems. My honey is the other half of my heart, so it doesn't feel right to claim my "right to privacy" with him. Might help that we are both in healthcare and nothing is too gross or off limits for us, too. lol There is no question he could ever ask me that I wouldn't answer honestly and completely..
My .02.......I agree with the poster who said if you never told him not to look, he didn't know any better. And I do feel you're making too much of it. He obviously loves you and isn't gathering information to use against you....right?..
I can so relate to what you feel. I still haven't shared my weight to my handsome husband, despite sharing a life for 15 years. Go figure!.
I think that part of this process is facing up to the demons, and stopping the denial. Maybe he shouldn't have looked at your page, you could let him know you don't like him to. But don't worry. Weight is just a number. He saw you everyday and loved you everyday, high weight and new weight. Assigning a number to you, or seeing a picture of you, won't ever change that..
Love yourself as he loves you!.
No, you are not wrong to be upset. Everyone needs a little privacy. But, hey, you have a husband who loves you no matter what. That's what's important. Tell him (when you have it figured out) why this upset you so much. Make up and thank him for loving you enough to care and for loving you unconditionally..
PS My husband is the only person on this earth who has ever made me "see red" but I'm heading into 34 years of a perfectly imperfect marriage to a guy who loves me no matter what. That is the best gift I have every received..
PPS You are doing really well with your journey and perhaps it is time to really share your journey with this most important person in your life....
Oh my, this is a tough one. On one hand, yes, I can see you would be upset if he probed your page and blog etc. Perhaps he just looked at the page currently displayed. Either way, you feel a sense of betrayal. Let me just ask, would you be as upset if he had looked at a financial page or personal journal about your high school reunion? (my point is, is the weight the really awful secret you were hiding?) I could NOT say the words 'over 300 pounds' to my loving hubby of 40 years. He loves me unconditionally.
WOW!! it has been like the floodgates opened since I told him. I talk about it ALL the time, telling him things like,,this is how much I weighed when our son was born, this is how much I weighed the day we married, etc. It is the MOST freeing feeling I have ever had. Oprah is right, a secret only has power as long as it is a secret. I say you should calm down and in that calm moment tell him why you are hurt and ask him never to do something like that again.
There is just something about saying the words that sets you free. It sounds to me as if you are a very fortunate woman to have a man who loves you so completely. Just my thoughts, Violet..
My hubby knows what I weigh. I am ashamed but it is what is and I know he is my best friend. He also wouldn't go through my stuff on my computer. I understand you are hurt. But he has to know approx what you weigh and he has seen how much you have lost and you are taking steps to loose it. He must respect you for that..
I am sorry you are hurt but believe in yourself!!!..
Everyone...even spouses...need a little privacy. He probably has no idea that he did anything wrong. Lesson learned...lock everything down from now on! And, trust me. This is small potatoes compared to some issues that couples experience. I would not let this be a big issue between the two of you. He now knows how heavy you were and how far you've come.
If he's like my husband and every other husband I know, this is not a big deal to him. He loves you. Just accept that he is not superficial and he loves you regardless of your size. This is cause for celebration and not anger...
I am sure he is SHOCKED that you are so upset about it but not by your weight- it is JUST a number. He loves you the way you looked and now look. Talk to him, men DO NOT GET WOMEN. I am sure he is beside himself that you are not talking to him and are so upset. Good luck- you lucky girl..
Sounds like to me you have a WONDERFUL hubby and he supports your weightloss...and I know what you mean how "weight" can be as I dont tell my bf hw much Im weighing but he knows I'm currently losing weight...he loves me for me and these types of men are KEEPERS!.
You surely did a GREAT job!..
Kenna... based on what you said... he loves you for all the right reasons. It is normal to be ashamed of being overweight... but I think, I really think he is proud of you and is looking for insight into you changing... he wants to be part of it.
Maybe you should just let him in slowly..
Btw.... you are rocking this plan! WTG!..
Kd, I think this is going to be a moving forward territory for the two of you. Yes, he needs to respect your privacy, but you also needed to make that clear. I don't blame you for assuming. I probably would have too. I think, from the sounds of you and him, you are about to grow leaps and bounds...
Well, now that he knows your real weight, just be sure he doesn't find out your real age.
My guess is that he probably doesn't even really care about the #'s and if he thought he was doing something he shouldn't have been, seems like he would have been more careful to close out of it..
To me, I kind of feel like I would be less hurt that he was checking out my page but more hurt that he learned something I wasn't comfortable with him knowing..
Hopefully you guys have it all worked out by now! Good Luck!!..
I wouldn't just be hurt, I would be angry..
I don't read my husband's personal stuff (unless he asks me to), and he doesn't read mine. Since I've always carefully kept my exact weight a secret from him, he KNOWS not to pull something like that. I mean, he's a smart guy, and he knows I've lost 120 lbs, so he KNOWS it had to be pretty high to begin with, but he also knows that it's my thing... my one thing that I keep private..
And he's perfectly fine with that boundary..
I guess you move forward, because what else do you do, but to me maybe it's a sign that he needs to respect your boundaries a bit more...
For the vast majority of my marriage, I've been very straight-forward with my husband about my weight..
A year ago I was sick (as usual) and had been trying to diet at the same time. I was keeping a food log and weighing and measuring and the scales were just going up and UP..
Finally an ovarian cyst burst and put me in the hospital. The morning of my hysterectomy they were weighing me for a pre-op physcial and the nurse kept moving the little weight up and UP!!!!.
As it passed the 195 mark (with no end in sight) I screamed and covered my husband's eyes. "You aren't allowed to look!!! Don't look at that!" Even the nurse jumped..
I wanted to bawl..
It was the first time I saw the scale top 200 pounds and to see it with the love of my life hurt me more than anything. I never thought he'd be able to sleep with me again if he knew I weighed as much as he did!.
Turns out that he loves me. Turns out that he's watched me struggle and hurts for me. Turns out that he's always had faith in me and has admired me for never giving up - even in the face of failure..
Our secret isn't a reflection on their feelings toward us. (Honey, they do have eyes!) It's a reflection of OUR feelings toward ourselves..
And it's not fair to put that on them. The reality is that he's probably just curious. As another poster said, you share these things with hundreds of strangers. Why wouldn't you trust the love of your life?..
I have to agree with Shay13, it sounds like his not looking at this was not a something you had discussed before, and I have to think that from what you said this is a pretty special guy, one that loves his wife for who she is, not how much she weighs. I also have to agree with those that said he is probably very proud of you and was looking out of love and intrest in your journey, not trying to hurt your feelings. Maybe it's time you stopped being ashamed of what you used to weigh and start being PROUD of what your are doing to get HEALTHY? I know that can be easier to say then it is to do but you have to let it go sometime! There are many of us out here going through this journey alone that would be thrilled to have someone that is as wonderful as the picture you painted of your husband. Let him be proud and help you through the tough times!!!..
Well, it's sounds to me like you who are really mad at is yourself. You describe your actions and omissions as somewhat deceitful or like you were pulling the wool over his eyes. Now he knows and you're mad at him? Now don't get me wrong, I don't think you were deceitful, but you make it sound that way. Hey the guy says he doesn't care. Do you think he's lying? I think you two have a special relationship. Don't blow it.
Now you have a commn goal to work on, and he's part of your team... Everyone should be so lucky...
I am also very protective of friends, family and husband knowing my weight. I dont know why I guess because they all think I weigh less then I do...
Well now the gig is up, and you have to succeed., and keep the weight off, and be a MF"n star.....ha ha you'll do great, and now you know he understands the program, the plus + minus' of it all., and now he can only cooperate..with helping prepare healthy food, grocery shopping from an agreed on list., only eating out at "safe restaurants" and not eating anyhting tempting in front of you...Now you can expect full cooperation..
Look what we do to ourselves inside and out. UGH!.
I am curious...What did he say to you after he honestly told you he was snooping and you got so upset about it?.
Was he supportive? Was he defensive? Was he proud of you? Was he angry at you? What?.
I think I would have gotten angry too but I also would have come back to ask "Honey what did you think of my blog or my progress so far or what did you think of it all on the Medifast site?.
In order to fix your issues you need to really talk about it all, I think, how you feel about your weight and your struggles with it to your husband who spends the most time loving and caring about YOU..
I have to do the same thing on a daily basis..
It is called TRUST...
My husband absolutely does not know what I weight. It would break my heart if he did. I think it's a personal choice to share that information, no matter how much you love or trust someone...
I totally understand being upset. Yes, this is a public site, but it's like if you and your best friend were talking in the yard and he was inside with the window open. The polite thing is to move out of hearing range - or let it be known that you can hear everything..
Or if you kept a journal in a spiral notebook and kept it on the nightstand. Just because it's unlocked doesn't mean he needs to be specifically told to not read it..
So deal with the privacy issue with him once you've calmed down. Put it in the journal sense, he should totally get it. And he sounds like a great man so I'm sure he'll apologize..
And then once you're over that, see that him knowing your weight is the silver lining to this cloud. Saying your weight out loud, having someone that important to you know it is actually pretty liberating. Once you're able to talk about a problem, it's that much easier to move past it...
DH and I were married 34 years yesterday,,,,,we didn't make that mark by holding back on things,,,especially such a thing as a number on the scale..
He has been on the weightloss journey and these 4 years of maintenance, right along with me. He though, has never needed to diet,,,never has had a weight issue,,,lucky man. lol He knows who I am speaking of when I tell him what "so and so" said on a particular thread. He has looked at goal photos on here when I see someone I am especially proud of, succeed. he has read remarks made to me,,,and about me,,lol,,,on here, along with my answers. He is my biggest supporter, and my very biggest fan..
Your Dh doesn't love you for a number on the scale, he loves you for the person you are. Make up with him, and by all means, share the rest of this journey with him. Always keep communication open with this most important person in your life..
Also, congratulations on your weightloss!!..
Well said Schu1. I always thought that a good relationship, be it with a significant other or just a friend was based on trust and understanding. I don't get being mad at someone for taking an interest in something that is a huge and important part of your life, which also makes it an important part of their life. I wish I had someone in my life that I could share this journey with as you both do!!..
You are all right & helpful! This is why I love medifast (that & the weightloss). So we didn't talk a whole lot about it last night..
JKGERTIE....he didn't say anything that night. My husband doesn't say anything unless he has thought things throughh. & that is great when it comes to fighting, as he never has to apologize for saying something in the heat of the moment. But, it is infuriating for me, it feels like he is ignoring the issue..
So many times I think that the fight is over & he will come to me three days later ready to talk about it..
So...that might be part of why we didn't talk about it much last night. I did apologize for being so upset about it. I explained that it was embarrassment.
That caused me to feel violated, he wasn't really receptive to talk about it (we are both pretty worn out with family issues) so I let it drop..
In response to not allowing this to be a major issue in our relationship... It.
Probably won't be because the damage is done & I guess I will just have to.
Get over it..
In his defense you all pointed out that I didn't set clear boundaries, SO TRUE! I never told him that my medifast site is off limits, so who knows, he may.
Have been looking all along & just didn't realize that it was private to me. So.
Our conversation, (when he has thought about what he will say) must contain.
Some boundaries. We don't keep things from each other for the most part, it's.
Just that my weight is personal, my self image issues are MY issues and yes, I.
Want & get support from him... However, some things I want to work through.
On my own..
I don't have issues with you all seeing my page, because we are going through this together & facing the same challenges because we are over weight, it bothers me about him viewing it because he isn't? It's like an addict picking a sponsor who has no addictions....
I did ask him if seeing my page changes anything. He said "of course not" & (without thinking about what he was saying first) so...it must be true!.
Thanks so much for all of your support my medifast friends!..
Wow, a guy that loves you unconditionally AND thinks before he speaks!!! What a catch!! You are one lucky woman..
My guess is you have been a little secretive about this journey and he just wanted to be a part of it. Great husbands are the best!.
The funny thing is I would tell people close in my life what I weighed but now I will tell about anyone who asks...
Kenna, I'm glad you came back and updated us. I was wondering! And I'm even more glad things are ok and you're in a better frame of mind now..
Have a great OP day!..
Everyone's relationship is different, but it would never even occur to me that something that I was posting on the internet would be considered private. If he's going through your private message inbox, that would be one thing, but reading that which you've posted for the world at large to read or looking at the profile you've created on this site is another. Unless my wife explicitly told me not to read that, I would assume that I was not the one person carved out of the world's population that was forbidden to do so..
Another thing trust me on this, your husband may not know the exact number of pounds that you weigh, but just like anyone else, he could probably hazard a pretty good guess if called upon to do so, so it isn't really a secret, either. Moreover, as you're describing him, your dude doesn't seem like the type of guy to care. Speaking for myself, my love for my wife does not go up and down depending upon what number shows up on the scale..
Your guy sounds like a pretty quality fella to me, and it's hard for me to imagine such a guy intentionally invading your privacy if he knew it was something that you considered private. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt on this one...
Glad things are ok with you..
No offense intended, but he IS going through this with you, whether you realize it or not. HE is the one that is supporting you through the ups and downs, good and bad whether he is privy to the details or not. I am the daughter of an alcoholic and like any addition, it takes the entire family to get through it. WE are faceless names on a web site that don't know you and can only give you as much support as we can, but really aren't necessarily facing the same challenges. He LIVES with you, day in and day out and this is a journey that involves him whether you want it to or not. I do strongly believe that this is not something that you should shut him out of.
It can cause a great deal of insecurity on the part of the partner. "My loved one is changing so much, will he/she still want me when goal is reached", etc. Of course the choice is yours alone, but remember, that the journey is partially his as well...
He loves you on or off the scale....Be happy for that..
Leave it to a guy to sum it all up and wrap it up into a neat little package and have it all seem so simple!.
My husband is.
And would never have invaded my privacy if he knew it was private!.
But, I thought that you guys could read womans minds and had our feelings all figured out! LOL.
I liked to believe that my husband was an exception to that rule!..
De- This is why it's not hard to share these ups & downs with the medifast community. It isn't as easy to share them with someone who has a face and it matters what he thinks. NO offense meant to that either..It does matter what the people on this site say and do...but like you said, they don't LIVE with me. I can use the support they offer and leave the stuff that isn't helpful behind. I can almost bet that one of the people on this site has had a similar challenge-no matter what the challenge is (even not wt. loss related?).
He is a wonderful guy and I am sure that he does have some feelings about my body changes that we need to address and support each other through. But honestly, he is not the type of guy that can give me the type of support that I get from people who have struggled with their weight. He thinks that it's silly that I stress about my weight the way I do. I think it's great that some people love their bodies the way they are. The ups & downs and the number on the scales, it is just a number. I am not one of them, he is...and so he doesn't really understand all the emotions that I feel..
I do share things about my diet with him....but it's just not the same...
When you say the "damage is done", I have to say, I think it happened. I don't think it is damage. I don't think he meant to poke into your private moments because he didn't know it was private. He probably didn't even know it was a place you didn't want to go..
I just reached goal today. I called one of my best friends in the world (lives in SF, so he doesn't see me often) to tell him. I spewed "I reached goal..I'm 134.8lbs" because I am used to doing that here. He was SO happy for me and said "what did you start at? not 200". I told him for the first time ever that I started at 205. He was shocked because I probably never looked like I weighed 205.
I'm good at sucking in. He's called me 4 different times today because he now realizes my accomplishment and can't get over it. I was so numbers shy that I NEVER knew what I weighed at my perfect weight. I compare it to all the visits you make to your OBGYN when pregnant. Those gyn visits were horrible to me before pregnancy.
About 8 months into it, I was so very "geeze..let me stick my feet into these stirrups so we can get on with this". I spout my numbers to people I never would have in the past. It's a good feeling. I think when he is ready, you will have a wonderful conversation and let him in to a place you never thought possible...
Gosh...I know how you feel. I mean it's so hard to talk about this stuff. I had a really really REALLY hard time telling my husband how much I weighed, and now it's not even something I think about. My DH barely believed me when I told him, but now he's the ONLY one (besides you all) who knows how much I really weigh. I am so proud of him for being supportive of me, and I feel so blessed to have him on this journey. I was 5'3 207.8lb and in a size 14/16 when I started Medifast.
I didn't truly commit to it, in fact I wish I had discovered Medifast before the wedding since I hate my pictures. I lost around 8 maybe 10lb for the wedding taking me from my top weight of 209 to just under 200...and my husband was there for the every pound of the weigh (haha)..
So should you be angry and hurt of course it was personal and you weren't ready to go there with him yet, but now he knows so now you can be totally honest with him about things and you might feel so much better. I mean honestly it's great that he knows so you when are so happy about being in onderland he can be there with you!!..
I am glad you worked it out..
I have a husband like that too!.
I have learned after 30 years that I have to be the best advocate for ME no matter what and no matter who, even my husband and children..
I have a habit of letting things go in my swirly head and it festers bigger than it ever was to any of them. I try to get it all out when it is meaningful to me so they know. If they get it fine if not fine too..
My husband and I have gone days without speaking over stupid things. I think because he doesn't know what to say and I just can't get it all out so he will understand..
I am proud of you for asking all of us and for your weight loss so far..
It is always good to let it out, to get others views and to hash it out in your mind..
Now go love your guy!.
Have a Happy Weekend!..